Food cooking instructions

The instructions for my frozen lunch state: pierce film 3 – 4 times. “3 – 4”? Can you pierce something 3.3 times? What’s a 0.3 of a pierce? Since pierce isn’t defined (is it one inch long by 0.001 inches wide?), couldn’t you renormalize to just 3?

And why not just “3” or “4”. Why a range? Is there some legal precedent that caused this to occur? U.S v. Hungry Jack: Exactly n piercings leads to multiple deaths. And what happens if I go outside of the pierce operating range of my frozen lunch? Will death result?

Perhaps when they were putting the food through the QA cycle, the average number of piercings that caused a “perfectly cooked meal” was 3.6. Knowing that the average american is too dumb to know what a 0.6 of a piercing is (cuz I sure as heck don’t!), they made it a range (Can you imagine the number of calls asking: what’s a 0.6 of a pierce? The phone company would be brought to its knees!) This is just a theory at this point, but in order to finally get some sleep at night, I’m going to have to believe something.

The answer is out there!


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